There’s what happens.
And then there are our thoughts about what might happen.
Much of what we worry about hasn’t actually happened.
But follow those thoughts long enough, and suddenly we're living an imagined future as though it's happening right now.
That's catastrophizing.
And it's deeply human.
When we sense trouble, even imagined trouble, there's a part of us that gets activated.
Its job is to keep us safe.
And that's a good thing.
The trouble isn't that this part shows up. It's that we can mistake its warnings for reality, allowing what might happen to keep us from experiencing what could happen.
So when someone asks me, "How do I stop thinking this way?" I suggest a different starting point.
Get curious.
What's this part of me afraid might happen?
What is it trying to protect?
And what's actually happening right now, versus what I'm imagining might happen?
These questions create space.
Space between the thought and our response.
Space to recognize that fear may be present without having to let it make our decisions.
Because when we let fear lead, we start organizing our lives around avoiding what might go wrong.
We turn down opportunities.
We avoid difficult conversations.
We put off decisions.
We say no to things we actually want.
Not because those things aren't worth pursuing.
But because we've become convinced of what might happen if we do.
The goal isn't to stop having fearful thoughts.
It's to stop letting those thoughts decide how fully we live.